Fly Again

wings2This is quite a personal post, as I wrote this poem after I went through a very difficult time. It was very hard being in the middle of it and to eventually find myself again, but I got back stronger than ever. It taught me that you have to be thankful for everything what happens in your life. Positive or negative.
Sometimes there are situations that will build you up just by itself, but sometimes things happen to teach you a lesson and you have to start building yourself. This isn’t bad, this is to reinvent yourself and become the person you know you are. This will give you so much strength for the rest of your life.

One day this poem came to me, just like that, the only thing I had to do is write it down. I did, and things fell into place.

Fly Again

My wings were once broken and teared apart,
burnt with words which reached into my heart.
Not being sure if anything of me was still there,
I slipped away and sunk so deep, so hard to bare.
Could I ever spread them out again without a fall?
It was black so dark and all I felt was one big wall.

But I grope and searched and I found a way,
up high I climbed and the black turned grey.
I fell, I struggled, but I fought for every feeling,
every step was tough, but brought me healing.
Because I faced the feelings that I feared,
it made me climb higher until they all appeared.

I gave them space, smiled and collected them all,
only for love I kept bumping into that same wall.
I worried, felt anxious, desperate and scared,
trying to find it, but in the distance I stared.
No light, no sparks, no grey, only dark, just black,
I didn’t believe I was ever going to find it back.

But one day it just turned up, flying around my ladder,
too far to reach, but close enough to feel it flutter.
I can keep climbing, but soon I’ll reach the top,
realising that for love I have to jump and risk to drop.
I’m longing on the edge, knowing what I want to get,
just not sure if I can trust those delicate wings just yet.

But I want to jump, I want to touch it, for that I long,
because I can’t truly live with fear of what can go wrong.
I want to sing, and dance in the rain without a coat,
so I’ll jump to freedom, but first I’ll gently float.
At least now I feel calm and I’m sure that one day I can,
spread them wide to fully fly with my new wings again.

wings3Did you like my poem? Did you maybe go through a similar struggle? Or do you have any questions.. please leave a comment or if you want, you can always send me a personal message! Thank you! X


Energy introduces you before you speak

Screen Shot 2016-03-12 at 20.08.08A lovely free Saturday in front of me and I decided to go to one of my favourite places in London: PortobelloRoad. I’m actually there already a few times a week, but I don’t care. I was just gonna get a falafel wrap and a Starbucks and go home. When I was there I thought it would be nice to eat the wrap at Starbucks and just see the people walking by, doing there thing. I love that. I was lucky enough to sit in my favourite spot. In the corner, in front of the window. At first there were 2 girls sitting next to me and then an older couple with the cutest little Dachshund. They left and a man, not very tall, took their place. I noticed him straight away. I could tell I like him without even looking in his eyes. He was wearing simple dark clothes and carried a backpack. Little grey curls were coming from under his black hat, where very likely dreadlocks were hidden. I think he was around 60 years old, but apart from a few wrinkles around his eyes, his skin was smooth and glowing. He looked healthy. It was something I really noticed straight away.

It was nice to sit next to him, I felt some sort of connection with him. He drunk his beverage and he ate a cupcake I recognised from the Portobello Wholefoods shop. Just before he wanted to leave he looked at me with friendly eyes and said: ‘So I’m good now’ and he referred to his empty cup. I reacted with: ‘Oh good, I hope you enjoyed it, what did you have?’. He had tea he said and this is how we started to talk. First about tea and then about healthy food and lifestyle. It turned out he ate 90% raw, after he did a full year of being completely raw. And he ate everything organic. We talked about the benefits of all our favourite fruits and vegetables, about herbs and spices and he knew so much. And it was all from experience as he lived this healthy lifestyle for over 15 years.

He was telling me about his family. That he is the only one of his big family who lived in London. His father lived, together with some of his siblings, in Trinidad, where he was from. He had more siblings living in Canada, where also his mum is based. His parents were both a hundred years old and still very healthy and energetic. He traveled a lot to see them and also he went to Dubai a few times already for the Formula 1. Not something I would of guessed he was interested in.

We had a good laugh as well and talked some more about what made us happy. What makes us natural high?! For me that is animals, nature, rain, love and kind people. He loved to be out and about in the crowd and he always hoped to bump into somebody he didn’t see in years. When he told me that his eyes were lighting up. It was obvious that exactly that gave him a lot of joy. It’s those little simple things what makes life beautiful. We concluded we love life.
12823067_1108888172488618_1210054980_oHe then admitted he chose this seat as he felt comfortable sitting next to me and that he wanted to say something to me from the start. He just wasn’t sure if I was up to it as I was sitting all by myself and he thought I was maybe waiting for somebody. But he couldn’t leave without saying anything and that’s why he decided to say something before he wanted to leave. I was so amazed by him telling me this, as I felt the same the whole time.

Almost 2 hours later we got up and went outside. It was just starting to get dark and there was a little drizzle. We had to go opposites ways, so I gave him a hug and he said he hoped we’ll bump into each other again one day. I walked away and I felt the drizzle on my face.

I absolutely love moments like this. This is exactly what gives me my natural high. When I walked into the already silent part of PortobelloRoad there was a man sitting on the pavement, hanging on the wall. He was actually sitting in an awkward, uncomfortable position, but he was playing the saxophone and though I’m normally not a huge fan of the instrument, he was playing this amazing piece of music. The tune was going straight through my body. And that was it. The inspiring conversation, dusk, drizzle and music.. I felt euphoric! This for me, is happiness. I gave the musician a few coins as a sign of gratitude. I truly believe this all wasn’t a coincidence, but a day given by life itself. Great timing, great circumstances. A masterpiece!